How Sarah Warwick are you?
To find out, select
a
,
b
, or
c
from the answers to each of the questions below.
1) What word do you most associate with healing?
a)
Hands
b)
Sexual
c)
Crisis
2) How do you tell your partner that you want to order a pizza?
a)
Flair your nostrils... gently
b)
Declare, "Pizzaroo, please and thank you!" And do a little twirl.
c)
Open the Uber Eats app. Hit 're-order'. You don't need to tell anyone you want pizza!
3) When you coincidentally start working with a mate's old university acquaintance, do you...
a)
Pretend you know very little about your mate's time at uni and just chill in the car listening to gardening-inspired bebop on Spotify.
b)
Begin quizzing acquaintance about your mate's antics during Uni, then let it slip that she slept with his best friend. Cue silence in the car.
c)
Leave your phone in full view of said acquaintance, allowing him to read your mate's text replying to question about why you recall his name so strongly, which reads: "HE JIZZED IN MY FRIEND'S HAIR!"
4) What is the best spice to eat raw when you get the munchies at a party?
a)
Onion powder. Works wonders if you've run out of crisps.
b)
Garlic powder. Excellent alternative to crisps, if you've run out of onion powder.
c)
Cinnamon. Then your breath will smell like a Christmas candle.
5) What is the ideal temperature for a wedding?
a)
It should sizzle with the heat of a thousand suns!
b)
Nothing more than 19°C. Otherwise, we risk limp hair, dehydration and I can't wear my bolero.
c)
I prefer snow. Like Elsa. And Dean Martin.
6) After dinner, what treat do you turn to...?
a)
Golden Gaytime.
b)
Nips Caramel.
c)
Chocalezza.
7) What's your favourite acronym?
a)
GQT
b)
LGBTQ
c)
OCADO
8) Which term best describes how you conduct yourself in a crisis...
a)
Kummerspeck
b)
Karma Chameleon
c)
Ernest Kummer
9) Where do you find babes?
a)
Via the government's adoption programme.
b)
In the woods.
c)
Literally everywhere. I can't get them out of my house.
10) When you hear the word Corona, what do you think of?
a)
Lime
b)
Virus
c)
Lidl
11) How many fresh eggs does it take a 'typical lesbian' to make an omlette?
a)
2
b)
4
c)
132
12) Which British politician could be your sibling?
a)
John Bercow
b)
Boris Johnson
c)
Ann Widdicome
13) What is the correct amount to spend on fried chicken after a drunken night out?
a)
£5.60
b)
£60
c)
There is no limit to what you should spend on fried chicken.
14) What lengths would you go to for a sausage?
a)
A quick dodgy defrost of homemade sausages.
b)
Ghost your friends on a night out, then head to an East London meat market at 2 am.
c)
Tell your partner that Tesco was out of smoked salmon due to Brexit, and it was either sausages or smoked herring.
15) How do you locate your work colleagues while travelling abroad?
a)
Look to see if they are next to you
b)
Have hotel management break down their door. I mean people collapse or get kidnapped. Right?
c)
Guarantee you'll all meet at a designated location, drop the pin in the wrong place in your map and end up waiting outside a phone shop for two hours, until your phone runs out of battery. Which is ironic.
16) When did you realise you were gay?
a)
When my best friend tried to set me up with a gay man.
b)
When I accidentally joined a Pride march while trying to buy fried chicken and was too embarrased to admit that I wasn't there for the lesbians.
c)
When I met Catherine.